I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
