i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
