If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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