whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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