Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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