I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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