end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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