You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
