It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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