he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
