wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
