It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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