my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
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She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
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Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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