Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
