Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
