i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
