did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
