I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i think i just lost a toe
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
