So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
