Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
