blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
