dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
