If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
