toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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