Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
