My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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