Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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