i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
