would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
