Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
