i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
