I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
