I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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