Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
