Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You're like the curious george of whores
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
