He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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