i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
