I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
