I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
