This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
