I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
