What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
