i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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