That's intense
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
