my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
