babies were throwing up all over the place
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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