I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's rum buckets o'clock
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
