so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
