Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
