She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
