did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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