Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
