He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
