She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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