Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
