That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
