Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
