also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
