my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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