Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
