What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
