Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
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She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
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WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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