OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
