Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
