After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
