Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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