Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
