WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
this will be a night to untag.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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