The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
