Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
